Rerouted

The dry, orange and brown leaves are crunching underfoot as my feet move swiftly in the silence. The sky is grey and geese flock to the pond. I feel the tension in my lungs as I breathe laboriously. I keep moving and never stop. Walking, then running, walking, then running. My eyes are focused on the breath-taking beauty all around me. Deciduous trees in bright yellows, fiery reds, and radiant oranges. It is quiet and I meet with God here. I run.

The Autumn here is beautiful and it feels familiar. It is getting cool here  which is perfectly pleasant to this foreigner now living in the mid-west. It is Autumn. We have been here for 4 and a half months. And now in this season of falling leaves, cooler weather and the smells of moist leaves in the forest along the Meramec River, it reminds me of home.

We were on the path to moving to the mid-west over a year and a half ago. Then we made an abrupt turn around and decided to head west again to the coast. But just when you think you know what God’s plans are, He often makes things very clear that He truly is in control. And despite our best efforts to plan and prepare, we are truly not in control. He moves us where He wills and He uses ordinary means to accomplish His purposes. Though we miss home, family, and friends, God has blessed us here in the mid-west and it has been quite the adventure. We’ve been refreshed in so many wonderful ways and God’s hand of providence has given us a home sweet home here in the community where we live.

We were on a path and then we were rerouted. Did God change His mind? No. Did God mislead us? No. Sometimes the journey takes twists and turns that we didn’t quite expect. Sometimes there’s a fork in the road and you have to do your best to determine which route to take. And sometimes you may loop around and end up back at the fork in the road and realize the loop wasn’t there to trick you or to mislead you. Perhaps it was there to confirm the path you needed to take. Perhaps the loop was there to show you more beauty and to make you truly appreciate the path you are supposed to take.

So we run, heart pounding, eyes embracing the beauty all around us, and feet moving swiftly one foot in front of the other to complete the race marked out for us. Perhaps being rerouted was all part of the plan after all. Of this, I am certain.

I run.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV)

Blessings from the Back Pew

I originally wrote this post for our church’s blog in Spring of 2015, just before we said farewell to embark on a journey that would take us across the country for continued training in ministry. We have both been blessed to serve, both as singles and as married, in many churches in various roles and ministries. Each of these churches holds a special place in our hearts.

“Reserved for the elderly and families with young children” reads the white sign with bold red letters. These signs are laid carefully on the seats of the last few pews in the church sanctuary every Sunday. These seats are reserved for the oldest and the youngest of the church. People like me, a mother with young children. I am so thankful that we can count on seats for our family of little ones, and also that we can be grouped together with the most honored saints of our church family, the elderly. It is comforting as a mom of young ones to be surrounded by those who have gone before us, who have weathered the storms of life and walked through years of sanctification and maturing in the faith, and who can look back on life and encourage us with stories of the faithfulness of Christ.

For the past three years, I’ve had the honor of sitting in the “back pew” with our children, from the earliest days of infancy with our youngest two as they approach the day when we introduce them to the nursery. I know that when I’m holding one of my kids while they peer over my shoulder, and they suddenly smile, that someone is either smiling, waving or making a cute expression to them!

I wanted to share this reflection with you, because I want you to know, Sun Valley Church, how very beautiful you are to us. You are a part of the Bride of Christ. As I have sat at the back of the church these past three years, I have worshipped along with you. And once in a while, I look around. I look at all of you… and I smile. I see you worshipping God, heads bowed, hands raised, moms and dads holding babies and toddlers, a husband’s arm around his wife, a head nodding, and an occasional glorious “Amen” sounding from the very back. I think of all the various ministries represented by each person in the church and in the community. It is beautiful. The beauty causes my heart to sing even louder, the smile on my face to grow wider, the tears to flow faster, and my hands raised higher… to our Redeemer. We are the Body of Christ together.

Another feature of sitting in the back pew is that usually a little one has fallen asleep on my lap and I may not be able to stand up and walk forward for communion. I am deeply grateful for those who bring the communion bread and cup to us who sit in the back pew, so that we may partake as well. I sing along and I watch. I watch you, Sun Valley Church, as we gather together to stand before the cross, to stand before the elders of the church and come together to receive the bread and the cup. We are the Body of Christ together and we come, each of us, redeemed sinners, to fellowship in the grace of Christ.

“By His wounds, His wounds, will we be healed.

And for our transgressions, His passion has made us well.

Let us come again, and feed on Him, our Lord Emmanuel.”

I am thankful for our little spot in the back pew. It is where we have raised our children, where we have worshipped, where we have watched, listened, prayed, sang, wept, repented, rejoiced, fellowshipped. It is where the youngest in the church have fellowshipped with the eldest of our church. It is where we have grown, received, and been poured back into. It is where a kind, wrinkled hand reaches out to hands that are full; where prayer requests are exchanged and hugs given. These, and the children we carry, are the blessings from the Back Pew.

A Basketful of Books

Our little, big family is in transition right now. After 3 years living in Eastern Washington, we are about to embark on a whole new adventure with God. My husband will be working on his Masters of Divinity for the next 4 years. We will be moving back home to the Pacific Northwest! All our stuff is packed away in boxes, stored away for our move after a temporary stay at my husband’s childhood home. His parents are so gracious to host us once again! So we live out of boxes and bins and baskets. And that is where this vignette begins…

A sunny day, and all you littles want to do is play. And with a smile, I remind you, there’s lots to do each day. So we wake up while the hills are covered with a sheet of sun, and the flowers wake up from their star-filled slumber. Our cereal bowls filled with snap, crackle, pop, and a mouths stained with berry smoothie. We hop to the day to get dressed and get ready for a brand new day of learning. You’re off to play, while Mama finishes her morning latte, prepared by Daddy who is already settling in to his work day at church. Baby is finishing up his mishmash of nutritious goodness that Mama has prepared.

You kiddos, so happy, to run off and play together each day. I am so thankful that our Good Shepherd has blessed our family with four little ones, all close in age. This makes my heart very happy. You are all friends and in my heart, I pray, that your friendships will grow with each other as the years go by and that even as grownups, your love and friendship for each other will remain.

Our learning day begins with arithmetic in the morning. Gotta get those brains working hard while the morning is fresh, the day is new. I’ve always loved math (except for that last year of grade 11… not so much). Did you know, kiddos, that you can glorify God in Math? It is true! And it is amazing! When you think of the way God designed the world, how intricate the number patterns are… how perfectly God has ordered the world. His design is so precise. I am thrilled to learn along with you in this learning process how gloriously God displays His power in Math!

Our day goes along as we practice early linguistics, understanding phonograms and learning how to write, read, spell. This excites me as I am laying down foundations that we will build upon later for learning languages. Who knows… maybe God will use different languages in your life in a special way for building His kingdom.

Balancing the schedules of four little people is quite the task! But I love it and approach it with joy and much prayer… and maybe a second cup of coffee mid-point of the day! As the afternoon comes to a close and our brains are quite full, we reach for the basketful of books.

One of the books I chose for our few weeks of transition is called, A Child’s Calendar by author John Updike and illustrated by Trina Schart Hyman. On each double page spread, Hyman’s illustrations so beautifully capture the uniqueness of each month and the story of one family’s life throughout the year. Her portraits of life detail the intricacies of life at home, whether its a glass jar and trinkets on a window ledge, or the inquisitive expressions of children and animals captured in a moment of time. Likewise, the poetry of John Updike for each month of the calendar year, evoke the feelings of festivity and tradition as he thoughtfully places each word in sequence to portray the essence of each month in the ordinary life of this ordinary family.

But the very best reason I love and adore this collection of poems is because of you all. One day, as I remember correctly, all snuggled on the couch to read, I accidentally overemphasized the wrong word which resulted in uncontrollable fits of laughter that continue to this day, whenever that page is read. That accidental reading has also resulted in very dramatic readings and spontaneous interpretations that provide for great hilarity every few minutes.

And this is why, at the close of a long, good, fun, or challenging day, I reach for the Basketful of Books. It is here where our minds can rest, relax and wander into wonder and imagination.

Tea Time

The small wooden cart was rolled in from the kitchen and we all gathered eagerly around it. It had been an arduous afternoon of work on the hillside as several of us tried to cut down thorn bushes in an attempt to landscape a gentle slope near a staff person’s chalet.  At last… it was tea time! We made our way up to the main chalet of our temporary home, L’Abri, in Switzerland. Tired, weary, and feeling a little poked over from all the thorns, my husband and I were ready for a rest, some good conversation, and a little reprieve as we enjoyed a cup of tea and some biscuits. This was tea time. And it made its way into our hearts.

As my first babies grew into toddlerhood, we started a tradition of “making foam”, our version of steamed milk with honey, or hot cocoa! Especially in the Fall and Winter months, after naps and playing outside, we would come in from the cold to warm up our hands and our noses. I would start up our “foam machine” and get out the cups and saucers. Somehow, this just became routine, an every day liturgy with my children. This was our “tea time.”

Fast forward a few years later, with four little ones running around my ankles, filling my days with dimpled smiles, contagious laughter, dry erase boards, flashcards, math lessons and storybooks, we haven’t kept up this tradition quite as much! Oh of course, we always had snack time and milk, but with the busyness of our home, I had forgotten the earlier days of this set apart event. It was time to create space in our day to gather around the table with a warm mug of something yummy, instead of rushing out the door to the playground with granola bars in our pockets and a quick sip of milk before we all ran outside! Of course, there are seasons for that too!

The time honored traditions of gathering around cups of warm coffee or tea have been since ancient times. This was a way to build community and share about the news of the day in many cultures around the world.

This is a new season of motherhood for me as our home expands to include more children and as they enter the next stages of childhood. With my daughter turning 7 this year and my eldest son turning 5, we are having deeper conversations about the why’s of life. These discussions take time and thought. I can’t just answer a question with one sentence anymore. I need to think about the Biblical and philosophical implications of what I’m saying and how to communicate it at their level. Now is the season of turning those little tea parties with tin cups and saucers (which are so well loved and dented after years of play – how did time fly by so fast?) into a daily time of discussion, a coming away from the routine of school and chores, to rest and reflect, with a cup of warm tea and biscuits.

In her article, Tea and Liturgy, Sandra McCracken writes, “…tea, in its proper form, can be a kind of spiritual liturgy as well. Bringing the water to a full boil, setting out the china, the cups and saucers, tiny silver spoons, whole milk, honey, and often biscuits or cookies is important just because it is beautiful and good to do so. It slows me down. Clears my head. It makes space for thought and conversation right there in the middle of a busy day.” Arthouse America

I want my children to grow up with this tradition, to weave it into the fabric of who they are. I want it to become habit for me, that when three o’clock rolls around, we put our books and school work away, and instinctively start to boil the water and place the china with anticipation of conversation and treasured moments.

“As the water boils and the afternoon sun calls out the evening shadows, a new space opens up for us to listen to each other, and to meditate on less urgent but more significant matters. As we wait for the tea to steep, the unspoken, dried out thoughts within us are now able to expand like the leaves in the warm water.”
-Sandra McCracken, Arthouse America

His Tender Love

New mercies come every morning. His faithfulness beckons us to come, look, listen, pay attention. Look past your current struggles and the distractions of every day life to see the bigger picture. God gave me a new mercy the other day as I was working in the kitchen. He showed me that my vision of Him needs some clarification… obviously, right? Do we ever have a clear view of who God completely is? No…

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
Romans 11:33

As Christians, we are constantly growing and being sanctified,  learning and re-learning, stumbling and mumbling our way through this foreign land. The lessons we learn one year may be re-learned again 5 years later, 20 years later, or 40 years later. It may be that we learn them over and over again year after year, but in new ways. God may give us a new perspective or help us to see a Scripture passage from a new angle. This happens constantly if we are regularly reading God’s Word. If we are not regularly reading God’s Word, there’s not much to expect in terms of spiritual growth. We become dried up branches and that is not a healthy place to be for many reasons! The Lord will surely prune His precious children’s lives to draw us back to Him.

My understanding of God is constantly growing as I read Scripture. Sometimes He teaches me about His holiness or love. Other times, He teaches me about His anger over sin and His total satisfaction in the atonement of His Son. Still other times, He teaches me about His tenderness and His shepherd’s heart for the lost lamb.

His mercy to me the other day was to show me His warm, tender love. After a challenging week caring for all my responsibilities at home and in relationships, my heart was tired and weary. My strength was utterly sapped in every way… physically, emotionally and spiritually. It was all I could do to push through another day and desperately cling to my Savior. In that moment at the kitchen sink, He called me to remember His tender love for me and dwell there.

His tender love. The love of the Good Shepherd for me.

It is a sweet kindness for God to show me that. It is a great mercy for Him to humble me and show me that I do daily need to come to Him to know Him more clearly. So I pray, Lord, give me new eyes daily to humbly submit to Your mercies. It is there that my knowledge of You is refined and made clearer. It is in the abiding where my heart is loosed from all earthly cares and my soul finds rest in You alone. When my soul is so fully satisfied in You, all temptations and worldly distractions fall away.

The peace of Christ reigns when we see with new eyes.

Blessed to be a Blessing

It is a new year, 2015 and I rejoice in the knowledge that God will continue the good work that He has started in me, in my family, in friends, in our church. God is constantly working, for His glory! We do not ever have to think that He will abandon His work. His promises are sure and faithful and a rock to stand upon. Even in the hardest of times or the darkest of nights, His light shineth brighter than the sun or any star in the universe. His love continues to pour out larger than the waves in the middle of the vast ocean and His living power continues to change hearts and come alive within them.

He is the God of every year, present in time and present outside of time, completely controlling all things to work out His plan. And though on this Earth we are beset with sin and illnesses, hardships and calamity, we are empowered through His Spirit and comforted by His gracious presence to endure for the sake of the Gospel, the Truth. As we just celebrated at Christmas, He is Immanuel, God with us. He is Immanuel in our joys. He is Immanuel in our sorrows. He is Immanuel in our blessings and He is Immanuel in our trials.

I try to see both the blessings and trials of life as gifts from God’s hand. Romans 8:28 “And in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” In ALL things, God works! I am currently in my later thirties and have seen many seasons of life already. I have seen the seasons of great joy and blessings, standing on spiritual mountaintops and lifting my hands in praise. I have also seen seasons of pain, where the Lord was my constant companion in the valley of the shadow. And yet, it was there that God strengthened me and taught me how to offer the sacrifice of praise, upon my knees in humility and total dependence on Him alone. The blessings of indestructible joy were found there in the hard days. The depths of joy were intense as God showed me that living in close relationship with Him was the most beautiful and satisfying treasure. There are treasures untold in those places if you faithfully walk with the Lord through those trials, clinging to His hand alone and immersing yourself in His Word.
“I am the vine, you are the branches…”

Throughout my life, God has taught me that trials are indeed a blessing…

who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God -2 Corinthians 1:4

Reading that verse as a young woman brought hope to my heart. Trusting that God could take those refining seasons of my life and use them for His glory and bring about a blessing for others, brought purpose to seasons of pain or depression. I longed to know the explanation for my pain and why God was taking me through it, but even more so, I longed for none of it to be wasted. My prayer during that time was, “Lord, use every moment of this struggle for Your glory alone.”

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. -Ephesians 1:3-6

Each Christian, no matter where you live, is called to be a blessing to the world out of the abundance of spiritual riches in Christ. You are called to be a blessing in your sphere of influence, and the Word of God is to transform your living in that sphere so that God’s Word will go forth and seeds of redemption can be planted on this Earth to grow a harvest of righteousness. We are blessed in Christ with all spiritual blessings that we may be a blessing.

For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations. -Isaiah 61:11

Gazing at the Gibbous Moon

I find it hard not to gaze at the moon lately. My little ones will be running around our neighborhood playground on a clear evening of big blue sky and whispy white clouds as we hear the rush of traffic whizzing by on the highway just ahead of us. We live in a unique location of the city. Most people do not pack up their family and move into a neighborhood to become a minority in a foreign culture, let alone into the heart of a gang-saturated neighborhood. My porch does not look out upon a field of lavender or the beauty of the ocean in the distance. Instead there is a construction site. There are no peaceful brooks flowing past us or trees to climb, flowers to stop and wonder at. Instead, there is a gravel parking lot on one side of our apartment complex and an inhabited lot that consists of a delapitated trailer, numerous beat up cars, trash, old furniture, and countless other items, including, I believe, a rooster, making it resemble more of a garbage dump than a neighbor’s house. But this is where God has called us for a time, and there is beauty here!

Perhaps that is why, when the kids are happily playing with their friends in our communal backyard, my gaze turns upward… to the moon. I’ve never noticed the moon so much as I have this year living at our apartment complex. Its where I find nature, a sweet reprieve from the concrete. Having never studied the moon in much detail, I’ve had ample time to notice its movements, its phases, its spots and blotches of white and gray. The way it curves upward and over the horizon and the way it unabashadly proclaims the glory of God.

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
and night to night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech, nor are there words,
whose voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out through all the earth,
and their words to the end of the world.
In them he has set a tent for the sun,
which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber,
and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.
Its rising is from the end of the heavens,
and its circuit to the end of them,
and there is nothing hidden from its heat. Psalm 19:1-6

On the eve of the Supermoon this past summer, I carried my baby in my arms and made my way down to the playground in the warm evening air, the community abuzz in the moonlight. My husband had taken the kids to play and I wanted to join them in watching the huge orange moon.

You see, I love to be in nature, surrounded by the beauty of God’s creation. Its a comfort to me and peaceful to be standing at the edge of the ocean or making my way through the forest trails. Perhaps He is changing my gaze upward, beyond this world to see His glory in all the Heavens and to show me how small I really am and so dependent on His loving care. And perhaps He is teaching me to stand, not at the ocean, toes in the sand, but on the concrete… where the feet of so many smiling shining faces run, play, and skip rope each day.

Our hearts are full here, surprisingly full as the friendships we have made have brought more beauty to our lives. We love that we walk out of our apartment in the evenings and neighbors are visiting, playing their music loud, working on their cars, running and playing on the playground, kicking around the soccer ball and looking over the rail of their porch. The kids’ friends run up and invite them to play in shopping carts and go for rides. That sense of community is so rich. This is our home for now, a temporary spot for our family, a place where God has brought so many kids into our lives and our hearts are filled with love for their families. We spend hours with our neighbors outside on the playground, our “backyard”. And we tell them about Jesus.

And when I need to be surrounded by nature, I search the sky for my moon, and I gaze awhile.